i got an email from a reader after i wrote about the artist becoming disgusted in me. it was warm and friendly and reminded me that there’s a lot of value of exploring the darker corners of my psyche while i’m alone, while it’s easier [i added the later reason].
and with that, as a model of inspiration and self-motivation, here’s a list of fucked up things, rooted in the darker side of my life, i might try to do while i can, while there’s no one who cares about me to stop me, or object. i’ve also added my pre-arranged excuses for failing to try them:
- smoke heroin, possibly also shooting heroin (fear of needles, difficulty procuring either grade of shit, trying to slow down my chemical life)
- explore, and perhaps complete, a financial transaction for sex (fear of, well, future disclosure, not clear how to go about it ethically)
- engage in (#)-some sex, preferably with someone(s) i have a long term interest in (lack of bed-mates)
- engage in anonymous group sex (lack of access, a bit intimidating)
- fuck a (cel|blog)ebrity (lack of prominence, lack of being interesting, general shyness, why?)
- sleep on the street for a few days with a camera to document the experience (lack of street edge, completely unprepared, it’s a cliché)
- slut around (check!)
- take pictures of someone that might qualify as pornographic (lack of ability, lack of anything to contribute to the genre)
- visit the real middle east (reasons too numerous to count why i’m a poor candidate for this right now)
i’m generally hopeful to expand this list as i move forward.
