i had an ex-girlfriend who used to refer to men as “ken dolls” when she wasn’t attracted to them.
“ken dolls, you know, no parts”
ah.
that comes up later.
i went to a professional function the other night. open bar. at 32 you would think i’ve figured out how to handle situations with class and dignity.
more or less you would be wrong. i got drunk. again.
during which time i met a boy, a corn-fed, kinda aryan, wholesome boy.
preppy. way too preppy.
i don’t really like boys. by not really i mean that i don’t. and though i work with them a lot, i dislike preppy types.
boys are all ken dolls to me. some nice, some not, some friends, some attractive, but no parts.
because i’m in full slut mode, i kissed him anyway. i liked his smile.
he makes me feel tender. i want to take care of him. i haven’t felt that way in ages.
now i’m currently dealing in the scandal that i’m gay, which i maintain i’m not, though a public kiss like that undercuts that argument.
but i did like him.
it happens maybe every 3 – 4 years. kissing a boy.
he was cute. i’ll admit i found him cute. and i liked him, he was charming, more so than any woman i’ve met in a while.
but for the life of me i can’t imagine his cock. and don’t really want to. i just really liked him. romantically, if not sexually.
he likes me, i’m getting texts. i’m not sure what to say, because i don’t remember what i did say. and mostly because deep down inside, i might want him, and i’m not prepared for that. not in the slightest. but i want to see him again.
we can add this to a long list of things i’m preparing to disclose to the artist. it’s very likely she’ll handle this worst.
i’m still thinking this all through, dealing with this class of issues. i’m 32. that’s sorta sad.
at least three of you darling readers will likely start writing your obnoxious emails again now, using this as another excuse to be rude and close-minded. fuck you.
April 19, 2008 at 10:03 pm
I find it a shame that women get to express their bi-side in fun flirty ways but when men do it they have to deal with all this fall out.
I love seeing boys kiss.
April 19, 2008 at 11:29 pm
Thanks for stopping by, NoNo. And I agree.
It was fun, flirty goodness, I could barely help myself. I’m still smiley inside from it.
April 22, 2008 at 9:11 pm
I’m looking forward to the day when kissing doesn’t have to lead to fucking, or gay, or labels of any kind, but just the momentary expression of energy and fun and feeling….*sigh*…. no rudeness here, just a tender hearted feeling and the encouragement to just keep doing what feels right in every moment (sometimes scary, sometimes consequences – oh well.) Men kissing….umm, yumm!
April 23, 2008 at 1:18 am
Lilithe, agreed. It sounds very flower childish, but it feels like if people gave into their warmer emotions more and their colder, more spiteful emotions less the world would be better. Alas, we seem to forgive the latter more than the former.
Apparently, I’m in the process of fighting a one man war against that trend, scandal be damned.
April 23, 2008 at 7:42 pm
“he likes me, i’m getting texts. i’m not sure what to say, because i don’t remember what i did say. and mostly because deep down inside, i might want him, and i’m not prepared for that. not in the slightest. but i want to see him again.”
but you kissed the young preppy boy, madge. you didn’t just smile, or flirt, you kissed him. you owe him a text. two appropriate responses:
1) it was impulsive, im sorry to have TURNED YOU ON. my bad.
2) i wasn’t prepared for this, but i think i might want you. you know, in a romantic sense. (uh huh)
actions have consequences in an ethical world.
April 23, 2008 at 7:54 pm
I should perhaps be explicit. I write about the snippets of my life that interest me, that involve something I find interesting that either I want to work out, or I’ve discovered about myself.
Not every post ends at the end of the story, some stories will get picked up again, some won’t, and ethical quandries that don’t interest me because I find them either simple or have nothing to add probably won’t be dealt with here.
However, since it interests you, in this case:
I texted him.
We had a drink. We talked.
April 23, 2008 at 11:29 pm
end of story? or end of ethical quandry to text him back?
April 23, 2008 at 11:52 pm
I’m not quite sure, but I think yes, Kitchen Mike.
But I want to go back to your first comment quickly.
A kiss isn’t a contract. Kissing someone places no obligation for future conversation, text or otherwise. Whether or not I personally feel an obligation to recipricate his communication should be not conceived of as requiring my friend to text back the boys she kisses. So rather than ethical, it feels moral, the boundary you’re implying it there. I’m not big on morals that aren’t also ethical, in fact I’m fair certain I belive they are dangerous. There’s reams of wasted paper, written by (mostly) dead white men on both sides of this debate though.
To less ethereal points.
We’d made no plans for the future, I don’t believe he was demanding, nor expecting, texts back. I just chose to write back.
Lilith above says it best, kisses can be “just the momentary expression of energy and fun and feeling”
April 23, 2008 at 11:58 pm
yes, they can be. best, km.